What a difference a year makes...

... one year ago today, I spent the evening in my ulpan class, trying so hard to learn enough Hebrew to get myself to Israel. And Ebin, dear sweet Ebin, took me out to dinner for my birthday at one of our favorite Upper West Side haunts. He gave me my first right-to-left opening CD (read: it came from Israel); I'm actually listening to it now, as I do often on Fridays before shabbat.

A few days later, a group of friends, some quite old and others deceptively new, gathered at the home of my college advisor (and friend) to celebrate together, eat, talk, make music... It was one of the most special birthday celebrations for me; I carry a history of birthdays and special events where people jumped ship last minute leaving me quite alone. I wasn't alone last year.

This year? I made it to Israel, this we know. (I've been unbelievably overwhelmed with work for school, as everyone might be able to guess by my lack of posting.) I have an insane number of classes, most of which are in Hebrew. Last year, I couldn't read Hebrew. This year, I wrote a 4-typed-page midterm in Hebrew. A year...

Last year, I came to Israel fresh out of a long relationship, earnestly seeking no one and nothing but myself. Now I'm in a new relationship, and I don't have words to explain how different it feels than my relationships of the past. I might actually be able to build the life that somewhere deep inside I always wished for, but at the same time told myself would never actually be possible. A year...

I woke up early today and watched my birthday sunrise from my mirpeset. Tonight, I'll see the sunset in Rome. We're flying there to spend my birthday weekend, and coincidentally our two-month anniversary, in Rome; it is my first trip to Europe.

I'm missing a lot of those people who were with me last year, from the early morning trip to my corner cafe and my favorite people there, to my party a few days later... I miss those parts of home. But in a really beautiful turn here, I seem to have found another kind of home, and it is not dependent on place at all. 

Overdue, as per usual...

So, it's a lot of work to prepare for High Holidays, no matter how you slice it. And doing it for the first time, on top of the work for 12 classes (count 'em: Modern Hebrew, Biblical Grammar, Tanach, Rabbinic Literature, Jewish Thought, 2nd Temple History, History of the Zionist Movement, "Israel Seminar," Musicianship, Liturgy, Cantorial Workshop (ok, soon to be... our teacher has been out of the country), Israeli Folk and Pop Music)(Oh, and lest you think that's all, we're soon to add weekly voice lessons and coaching sessions... just to make things interesting, you know...), many of which are in Hebrew, is that much harder.  And without any real support on campus, that much more so.

But... I made it, and not without the help of many. To my fellow cantors who also served Israeli congregations, thank you for moral support and for sharing musical discoveries. To the rest of the cantorial students, your constant moral support was also a source of strength. And to those who made sure I remembered to eat, and actually had food in my possession (mommy Kyna), thank you; I'd be really sick right now, otherwise.

In all seriousness, though, it was an amazing experience to be able to do what I'm here to learn to do right from the get-go. It was trial-by-fire, no doubt about it, but the feedback I received was really affirming of the work I did all year, the work I did leading up to the chagim, and the decisions I've made to pursue this path, and how I wish to move forward.

And, because lists seem to be a theme, some things I've learned:
- Fasting is hard. Fasting is harder when leading services all day.
- A search for something that doesn't exist is endless. I should start composing.
- A supportive community is unbelievably important.
- I will never cease to be amazed by how much one individual can accomplish.
- As good as my Hebrew may be becoming, and as good as an Israeli's English may be, there will always be moments of misunderstanding and confusion.
- As critical as my ear may be, it's always 100-fold moreso than that of anyone else.
- The real world always awaits upon return...

Shana Tova!

Wishing everyone a happy and healthy and sweet new year, full of all that is good. Take a moment (or many) to reflect on all that you have. I've been reminded a lot this past week of so many things in my life for which I should be, and am, so grateful, and of so many people in my life --- those who have been around for years and years, and those who I have known for an extremely brief time --- without whom my life would be nowhere near as rich.

Thank you all for being present, being a part of this specific journey, and the greater journey that is life.

With immense love and gratitude...
Sari

A load of updates

I've been focusing on Ulpan and seeing friends here (so many of my Israeli friends are leaving town... sigh...) that weeks have passed since any substantial update to the blog. Sorry folks (I mean CAMERON).

So, in no particular order:

- Ulpan finished on Wednesday. It's been a journey, from not being able to read in the fall to, well... I started the summer shocked to be placed in Kita Daled, feeling like I should probably move down. I wasn't understanding conversations, really missing huge chunks of what was going on. And at some point, le'at, le'at (slowly, slowly), I found myself understanding almost everything. My teacher called me the afternoon that we finished and said she'd like me to try moving up to Kita Hay -- level 5 of 5 -- for the first week of the semester, and level 4 of 4 for our Biblical grammar class. ::gulp::

Kita Hay also has one day of language study replaced with a class on Jewish Thought. In Hebrew, of course. I'm always game for a challenge, but we'll see... this may be just a bit too much with the rest of the classes on top of it. I AM actually really excited to try! It might be what forces my spoken Hebrew to catch up to reading and comprehension...

- I had a wisdom tooth out yesterday... my one wisdom tooth, which was NEVER supposed to come in. Well, it finally started coming in. Luckily, my friend's dad is a dentist, and an awesome one at that. I was in and out in 40 minutes, even went to a presentation at school (masochist? maybe) an hour later. Shockers for Americans: 1) the surgery was done without any sort of sedative, only local anesthetic; 2) the dentist called me later, from home, just to check in on me. (And I get the feeling that this is his standard practice, not friend-of-daughter practice.)

- SHIRA GOT MARRIED. The wedding was beautiful... so much joy and so much love. And so many of the Livnot chevre that I so cherish (including Ebin, all the way from NY!). Best moment of the night? Dressing as pirates and kidnapping the new bride...

Ok, ok, ok, maybe not the best moment. Second best. Best was the chuppah, of course, and the moment of the first touch... But it's a close second. 

- Back to a parenthetical remark above, my dear friend Ebin was here for a week for Shira's wedding. It was beyond amazing to see him, to have him here, to get to discuss my experiences and my processing of said experiences with someone who has known me for awhile, and who comes (on many levels) from a very similar place. Or at least he knows my journey because he's been there for a lot of it... 

- I've been really busy finding and preparing material for the High Holiday services that I'll be helping leading in Modi'in. It's a lot all at once, but I think it'll come together. I was asked to do two of the three repetitions of Kol Nidrei, once sung, and once... on violin. One guess as to which one I'm more nervous about... yeah. Playing my violin in public causes me great anxiety, but I promised myself I'd face it this year. So... here goes nothing. No pressure or anything... it's just Kol Nidrei. Erm... uh... right. 

Hmmm... maybe I better get back to this practicing situation. Probably a good idea...

Sending love to all...

I love Jerusalem on Saturday mornings...

... there's an intense quiet, a pervading sense of calm. Lots of birds. (Dad: "Good birds.")

Other mornings? I wake up to the loud crashes of construction across the street. Bang. Bang BANG.

Nothing compares to Saturday mornings here...

A lot to cover, not sure where to begin...

... and not sure if I'll remember it all. It's been a few weeks of dealing with a lot of non-Israel-life stuff... Starting with now, working backward-ish:

- Tonight is Shira and Tuvia's wedding, a day for which many friends have long been waiting! Ebin flew here for the wedding and it's been beyond wonderful having him here... he's one of the people I miss the most. Looking forward, too, to a ton of reunions tonight at the wedding... but looking forward mostly to the wedding itself...

- Had an interesting moment over shabbat: I was with Ebin at the Great Synagogue (ok, "with"...). It's pretty hard to hear the Torah reading in the balcony because the women are often chit-chatting and kids are running around making noise. I couldn't differentiate words at all, but had this moment of realizing that I was still following along with the parsha because I could hear enough of the trope... and this all happened unconsciously. Never would this have been possible last year...

- Ok, had MANY interesting moments over shabbat... let's suffice it to say that Jewish geography is a crazy game, and lunches with 80 people crammed into a rabbi's apartment are an absolute balagan.

- Got home one day last week and noticed a poster on my building's wall. The first thing I registered was, "Oh, that looks like a picture of Fiddler on the Roof... I wonder where they are performing?" The next thing I registered was the actual Hebrew text, "Ok, not a Fiddler performance... that's my friend's name!" A friend who lives nearby was giving a talk in a gan (garden) in the neighborhood. I missed most of it because of a voice lesson, but when I showed up, was pleasantly surprised to be able to follow along in Hebrew and catch a large majority of what was going on. I loved being able to answer the question, "Sari, at mevina?" with "Ken!"

- I've been traveling outside of Jerusalem for voice lessons. It's, quite admittedly, a pain in the ass, but the teacher is wonderful and well worth it. However, the traveling does mean that a 1-hr lesson ends up being about 5 hours, all said and done. Oy! The lessons are slightly frustrating because the work I have to do at this point is so nuanced... and nuanced particularly in reference to muscle memory. It takes all of my concentration, and then some, to really incorporate all of the teacher's adjustments. The change in my voice when I do is phenomenal...

- Had my first Hebrew exam in Ulpan and did surprisingly well. I am not so certain I can keep the bar as high, but we shall see. A good start, nonetheless. Also, survived a 15+ minute presentation in class, all in Hebrew. Could've gone better, could've gone much, much worse.

- Working on music for High Holidays; I'm being sent to Modi'in, a city between Tel Aviv and Jerusalem. I'm a little frustrated since its been hard to get any real response as far as what they'd really like me to do, what their lay cantor ALWAYS does, so on and so forth... ie. it makes no sense for me to spend time preparing an El Male Rachamin or a Hineni or whatever else if someone there is already set; there are plenty of other things for me to work on...

- It's been unbelievably hot in Jerusalem for the past week or so. I knew we were being spoiled by the weather here since I arrived; it was faaaaar more pleasant than I remember it being at this time last year. This past week has been a lot more familiar, unfortunately. I'm lucky that my ulpan kita is in one of the few rooms at school that has functioning AC right now. (Phew!)

That's about all there's time for right now. Life has been, while not mundane, a lot less exciting in the past few weeks... there's just too much work.
Off to class... and then the wedding!!!
Love to all in the states...

Not sure if I have the words...

... but I'll try. In thinking back through orientation last night, I forgot to try and convey a beautiful experience I'd just had.

A group of students got together for havdallah, the ceremony separating Shabbat from the rest of the week. Still being a bit overwhelmed and overstimulated by so much group time, I chose to go somewhere else instead.

Last summer, my Livnot group was taken to a rooftop on Mt. Zion to bring in our first shabbat as a group, and for many, the first shabbat they'd ever experienced. It was a place that I revisited many times last summer, with friends and alone. That roof became one of my favorite places here. Last night was my first time back this year.

I went an hour before shabbat ended, alternating between watching the sunset and watching the colors over the eastern hills change from gold to pink to purple-fading-into-a-rainbow to dark. I read from a book of Rebbe Nachman quotes given to me last summer during the month of Av, the current Hebrew month. I meditated on some of my hopes and goals for the year. I listened as the call to prayer came in, first from a single, distant mosque in East Jerusalem, and then from a multitude of nearby mosques there and in the Old City. As the call to prayer faded away, the abbey directly next to the building on which I was standing starting chiming its bells... and then there was silence as the last lights faded and the first stars appeared in the sky.

I had originally tried to get a few people to come with me, but in the end, I am really glad that I had the time to myself, to keep "my place" for me a bit longer, and to really have the space to reflect in my own time and to live just briefly in some of the memories that surfaced from being there... I can't live in those memories all the time, but it was a nice visit...