Friday, April 16, 2010


My life is being packed into boxes. In my past, this has been something that causes me great stress. This time? I'm oddly calm. What can I live without for a year? Just about everything I own, really. Most of my books, most of my sheet music (thank you International Music Score Library!), most of my clothes, my furniture... traveling last summer for weeks at a time with only the belongings that could fit in my hiking day-pack, material possessions became so unimportant. Sure, I have my moments. And then I remember, I did not need this "stuff" weighing me down then --- quite literally, hiking around --- and I don't need it now.

But there are parts of my life that I cannot so easily pack into boxes, to safely store away for a year. Friends. Family... my communities. I am beyond overwhelmed to have the opportunity to spend a year with my chevre in Israel. I am also sad to leave my friends here, people who have been amazing lights on my journey over many years, and in many ways. But the group that has been around through this past year, supporting me through so much? You, my friends, know who you are. And I will miss your presence dearly.

A friend taught me a Hebrew word a few months ago (אם אתה קורא את זה, תודה רבה. תמיד. אבל, אני חושבת אתה יודע. ונדבר, כמובן.), during a conversation about life being overwhelming -- often, but especially so for each of us, in our own ways, at that time. It has been the mantra that I've come back to in my moments of stress and fleeting sadness. תזרום, teezrom (well, it takes various other forms it takes depending on who is being addressed...), flow. The verb shares a root with זרם, zerem, stream. Yes, Hebrew is usually pretty logical like that. It's the Hebrew equivalent of "Go with the flow," and that's what I'm trying to do. Everything flows, it will keep flowing. These things pass; they aren't static. Just like I wrote back in August, "... the waves keep coming in..." and coming, and coming, and...

And really, what I feel most of all is gratitude... simple gratitude. To those who are lights in my life, and to those who allow me to be a light in their lives. Thank you. So much.

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