Saturday, August 1, 2009

A beginning, looking back...

It is hard to know where to begin. I am two months into travels that are beyond words, really. But a few: inspiring, challenging --- physically, emotionally, spiritually, beautiful, full of adventures, shocking, unsettling, grounding, life-changing. I did not start a blog early on because I chose to travel without my computer. I thought I would be far more disconnected than I actually have been. I have been keeping a journal, but it has its limits, especially as many of you have begun to pose questions about my time over here. Of course I want to tell all of you about my travels in person when I return, but I know at some point I also will have to simply keep moving forward.

So, with a month of traveling left, I am starting this blog. I hope it answers questions. I hope it makes you question. I hope, through it, that you get to live a bit vicariously through me. I feel so incredibly lucky to have this time. If anything here, I have become so grateful for all of the freedom I have been given in my life --- to be myself, to make my own path over and over again, to set out and travel to points unknown. But deeper freedoms, too: the freedom to live where I want, to observe whatever spiritual practices I choose without any negative recourse, or to not observe at all, to get an education, to be here, in this country so full of contradictions. Freedom carries so much weight, especially when one is at a point in her life where all doors are open, so many paths are possible. What does one do with this invaluable gift? It is one I am, and we are, lucky to have, and it is not something to be wasted… This question is constantly spinning in my mind right now, whether I am awake or asleep, does not matter. It can be overwhelming at times. What repercussions, conscious or not, does it have on my life? What repercussions should it have? I do not have many answers… I do not know that I ever will, or if the answers will remain the same for long. They likely won’t. I keep reminding myself to be open to those changes. Moving through life with any sort of ease would be impossible otherwise.

What a weighty beginning, but it’s been a weighty trip. If you did not catch that before, it was just bashed over your (collective) heads, I think! I am going to backtrack a bit from here, though. Start at the beginning, try to give you an idea of where I have been, both in body and in mind. I cannot promise absolute clarity; some events are already a bit fuzzy, and beyond that, I am still processing. I think I always will be…

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